I’ve heard many parents say statements such as “What are siblings for if you don’t fight with them” or “I fought with my brother or sister all the time and I turned out okay”. Having conflicts and disagreements with brothers and sister help many children and teens develop much needed social skills for surviving in the world as adults.

When caregivers jump into their children’s disagreements too quickly it can stunt their child’s development of social and conflict resolution skills. One way caregivers can help their children to develop healthy conflict resolution skills in conflict is by offering multiple ways to solve the problem if the children cannot find a solution.

But when does sibling fighting go from part of learning to develop healthy conflict resolution skills to being harmful to themselves and their siblings. A caregiver needs to step into their children’s arguments when physical or emotional abuse starts to happen. This includes hitting, name-calling, kicking, talking down to, and pushing. It is extremely important parents communicate that people are to be respected and one of the best ways to communicate this message to children is in a direct and respectful way.

Jennifer Wilmoth, LAMFT
jwilmoth@ growcounseling.com