What Does “I love you” Mean to You?

Does it mean “I passionately love you and can’t live without you” Does it mean “I accept you for whom you are and can live with that.” Does it mean that “up to now you haven’t disappointed me, so keep up the good work?” We so often have different meanings for the same phrase. The one so often used is “I love you.” When I ask clients what that means to them I get the above statements and many not too dissimilar. To me the phrase connotes a sense of respect, honor and compassion. Throw in to the mix some passion, for those men who can wear pink shirts and still feel self-confident. It’s so often on the part of the listener that makes or breaks the true meaning of the phrase.

 

When we hear those three very important little words, what begins to form in our minds becomes very significant. Do we start to build a defense which says “Oh, that can’t be true?” If it were so, I wouldn’t feel the way I do toward you. You can’t love me otherwise you wouldn’t treat me as you do. You think you know what love is when all you do is nag and complain? We can see now how vital it is to carry through with meaningful actions which follow up the words “I love you” and bring a sense of well-being to the relationship. So, before you decide to casually toss out those weighty words, think, do I really know what love is when I say it?                

Mark Ellison, LAMFT

mellison @GROWcounseling.com