“With all the violence and natural disasters in the media these days my children are constantly afraid. How can I talk to them about these things and help to ease some of their anxieties?”

The first and most important step in helping your child cope with trauma and anxiety is to know who your child is. One of the most rewarding gifts of parenting is the ability to know your child. The beauty of that bond is that no one else has the opportunity to know a child the way a parent can. Because parents have the ability to watch and interact with their child even before birth, they have the best platform for picking up on personality traits and distinctions that others aren’t necessarily privy to. While teachers, coaches, pastors and even therapists often spend a significant amount of time with a child, those interactions are minimal compared to the lifelong relationship between a parent and child.

Some children by nature are more anxious than others. And some children may be more sensitive to certain things. Knowing your child’s comfort levels is extremely important when doing the delicate work of helping them cope with trauma and anxiety. Having a working knowledge of some of the things that make your child comfortable or uncomfortable beforehand can be invaluable when helping them work through anxieties and trauma of any kind.

Be mindful of how your child responds to the way you talk to him. It’s extremely important to be aware of how your words and tone affect your children. An interesting point to remember is that, according to research, only 7% of our communication are the actual words we say. The other 93% consists of body language, intonations, inflections, and so forth.

Remember, every child is different. Some things that may work for one child, may be ineffective or potentially damaging for another, even between siblings. This is why knowing your child is the most important step in helping them work through any form of trauma or anxiety.

For a complete list of the dozen ways to help your child cope with trauma & anxiety be sure to read last week’s post.

Nick Hersey, LAMFT, LAPC
nhersey@ GROWcounseling.com