“My wife and I have been married for 5 years and we have 2 young children together. I work 2 jobs and she works from home while taking care of our children. We never get any time as a couple anymore, and I’m afraid that once our children grow up we’ll be left wondering who each other is and why we are married…”
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard this exact story – the same theme repeated over and over again in both my Atlanta & Suwanee offices. The demands on a parent’s time can be debilitating to one’s marriage and can often lead to the demise of your relationship and ultimately divorce.
It is imperative that couples find a way to nurture their relationship, even in the midst of work and parenting demands. Most couples don’t marry for the sole purpose of having children together, but that often becomes the focal point of their relationship once a child is born.
Some red flags to look for:
- Never having any time dedicated for just the 2 of you
- A general feeling of disconnectedness with your spouse
- A decrease in sexual activity
- An overall anxiety about what your relationship will look like once the kids move out
- Always having excuses why you cannot spend one on one time together
As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, finding time to spend together on a consistent basis can have a tremendous impact on your relationship. Use this time to reconnect with each other and remember the things that caused you to fall in love to begin with. Agree on a timeframe that works best for both you and your spouse, whether it’s once a week or once a month. Set this time aside specifically for dating each other again. Find the things that you enjoy doing together. Remember that this time is only for nurturing your relationship, not focusing your attention on children and other everyday concerns that need to be addressed.
Nick Hersey, LAMFT, LAPC
nhersey@ GROWcounseling.com