Are you in a cycle of attracting all the wrong types of people in your dating life? I seem to hear this from a lot of clients. They are meeting people and dating, but the relationships end up being unhealthy or mismatched. It can be so puzzling and frustrating. Breaking up is difficult and who wants to do that over and over?
Usually in the first 3 months of a romantic relationship, you are in the infatuation stage. You are still getting to know the person, and you may be wearing those proverbial “rose colored glasses.” Most people begin to see their dating partner in a more realistic way around months 4-6 of dating.
If you find yourself continually attracting and being attracted to the same type of person who doesn’t work well for you, consider two possible mistakes you may be making:
- Pretending to be someone you aren’t – In your quest for true love, are you hiding parts of yourself and only showing what you think the other person is looking for? If you’re not being yourself, then ultimately you won’t attract someone who likes you for you.
- Ignoring red flags – Think back about the first signs of problems in previous relationships that you simply ignored because you were so smitten. It’s true that hindsight is 20/20. Use what you’ve learned from previous relationships to help you more quickly evaluate potential romantic partners in the future.
These two mistakes are very common in the dating world, as most of us want very much to find that person with whom we can go the long haul. It is a natural desire to want a long term relationship. However, it is also a decision that deserves a lot of considering and taking our time. My general rule of advice is to wait at least 3 months to make a commitment to date someone exclusively.
Stacey Wald, LAPC, RD
Swald @ growcounseling.com