One national study found that almost 20% of high school students admitted to thinking about suicide. If your teen isn’t thinking about it, chances are they have a friend or classmate that is. You may be afraid if you talk about suicide, you’ll make the thoughts more real and the suicide more likely to happen. The truth is talking about suicide doesn’t increase the risk, but offers your teen a safe place to explore feelings, ask questions, and get help.

So, now that you recognize the value of having the conversation, how do you start?

First, you need to make a plan. The more prepared you feel, the least likely you will be to either overreact or under react. Do your research first. Next, choose a time when your teen is not distracted or tired, and you have their undivided attention. Think about what you want to say, use an article or a recent suicidal event to begin the conversation. There is no denying this is a difficult subject. Be vulnerable and admit your discomfort. This lets your teen know it’s okay for them to be vulnerable too.

If your teen admits to suicidal thoughts, stay calm and non-judgmental. Otherwise, you might respond in fear and say statements like “Don’t think this way,” or, “You shouldn’t feel that way.” This could come across as unloving and invalidating. You want to offer support and ensure your teen that you love them fully and unconditionally. Even if their feelings seem irrational to you, acknowledge the deep pain and sadness they are experiencing. Listen without lecturing or offering advice. Be curious with your teen about the problem that caused the suicidal thoughts. If something you hear concerns you, be honest, letting them know you heard them and you need some time to think about it. Set up a time to talk again soon and follow through.

If your teen isn’t willing to open up, be persistent while respecting their comfort level. Assure them you are concerned and ready to listen. Some teens have difficulty under the best of circumstances expressing their feelings. You may have to first gain their trust if they are feeling ashamed or afraid of your response. If your teen says the suicidal thoughts are in the past, don’t assume the problem has passed. Keep communication open and revisit the topic again. Any thoughts or talk of suicide must be taken seriously. If your teen states nothing is wrong, but your gut tells you differently, trust your instincts. Don’t leave them alone. Err on the side of caution and seek professional help from a counselor trained in suicide assessment, your pediatrician, or family physician.

Ann Sheerin, MA
Asheerin @ GROWcounseling.com