It seems to be getting harder and harder for folks to communicate anymore. With all of the modern technology at our disposal one would think it’d be easier. However, I’ve noticed with many couples that it breaks down even faster than before. The “he doesn’t listen to me” or “she … Read More
Appreciating Our Children As Adults
As of now all of my children are adults. I’ve come to learn and appreciate them for their wisdom and understanding at what seems to me to be young ages. I say young only because of the number of years between us. To see them maturing into the persons they … Read More
Words Have Meaning
Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” Really? How about “Actions speak louder than words.” I suppose both thoughts have merit. However, our words and ways we use them can have a profound effect on those around us. The words we use with our loved … Read More
Clear Understanding
The other evening I had the occasion to babysit my grandchildren. Things were going very well until my two and a half year old granddaughter decided she would test her grandpa. She had been playing with some toys and left them scattered around the living room. That was not a … Read More
Rules of the Game
In any game, there are clear rules, guidelines, time-outs, and borders. If someone decides to play outside of the rules, there are clear penalties or the player might even have to take back the move and lose a turn. Sometimes, the rules are so detailed that the rules themselves become … Read More
Clock Watching – The First Three Minutes
In his book, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, John Gottman writes about predicting the outcome of a conversation between a couple based on the first three minutes of the interaction. If the discussion begins with a harsh tone, inevitably it will have a negative ending. Maybe it isn’t … Read More
Past and Present Anger Patterns (3)
In previous blogs, there were examples the way families approach conflict. Exploring your family’s pattern of conflict resolution can be a great start in learning to recognize how you respond to conflict and express anger. Here are a few more questions that may be helpful to think through. What role … Read More
Past and Present Anger Patterns (2)
Patterns of anger often form outside of our awareness, we take in the unspoken rules of our family before we can comprehend that there may be other options in how we express our anger. Here are a few more patterns of dealing with anger that families often perpetuate. Families sometimes … Read More
Past and Present Anger Patterns (1)
Our families teach us many things; including how to handle conflict and express anger. Often there are unspoken rules for each family member. It can be helpful to look at the ways your family resolved (or did not resolve) differences. Here are a few questions to help you think about … Read More
Disagreeing Well
Handling disagreements isn’t always easy. As a therapist I help people find resolutions. Sometimes it’s easier than other times. As I work with couples, I explain that their backgrounds have a lot to do with how they handle conflict. We discuss how healthy outcomes can be difficult to achieve all … Read More