photo: David Rosen, Creative Commons

Caring for our family can bring out the best in us but can also cause some conflict. Maybe you have had one opinion about a family member’s care and a sibling, relative, or attorney thinks something else. The stress in determining the role each family member will play can put a strain on even the closest of family relationships.

For those families who have a history of conflict, the results can be disastrous.

If not monitored, this conflict can lead to resentments, followed by explosions and long-term damage.

Here are 3 ways to resolve the conflict:

1. Remember the long-term goal.

Securing the best care for your loved one is what is most important. This goal is best achieved when family members coordinate efforts. Care is compromised when individuals are more invested in arguing with each other than advocating with health care professionals.

It’s important to realize that family fighting can increase the suffering of the loved one you are trying to help.

2. Watch out for revival of childhood roles.

Caregiving decisions can cause some siblings to revert to former childhood roles. There is something about being around family members which causes adults to revert to former childhood rivalries, whether it is the struggle for power to make decisions or desire to be seen as a parent’s favorite.

Come together as mature adults. Respect the opinions of your family members. Finally, be reasonable about your expectations and hopes for the care of your loved one.

3. Inequality could be more efficient.

It is unrealistic to expect the division of caregiving duties will be divided equally. Not everyone has the same freedom of time, amount of resources, proximity, or personality. Realistically someone usually takes on more responsibility than others.

This could actually prove to be quicker way for a group to make decisions and implement actions, as long as each member is allowed to contribute in some way. Schedule quarterly meetings to discuss any needed changes as well as acknowledgment of contributions. The result will be a more cohesive family team.

Many families have found that using a professional counselor in the decision making process can help lessen the family conflict when making caregiving decisions. An objective third party is able to guide the conversation so that issues can be talked through civilly. We are here to help if family counseling feels like it would be a good next step for your family.

For those who are willing to work on relationships for the sake of their loved one, a better understanding of each other’s views, frustrations, and challenges can be gained as well as a fresh perspective.

Ann Sheerin MA

asheerin @ GROWcounseling.com