Patterns of anger often form outside of our awareness, we take in the unspoken rules of our family before we can comprehend that there may be other options in how we express our anger.  Here are a few more patterns of dealing with anger that families often perpetuate.

• Families sometimes select one person to be angry all the time and that person is allowed to express all of the anger for everyone else in the family.
• Other families view anger as sin and don’t tolerate any conflict at all.
•  “Smile and pretend like it doesn’t bother you.” Is a message many families practice.
• Some families act like conflict doesn’t bother them and then retaliate against others when it is least expected.

Changing an anger pattern begins with determining your own pattern.  Think through how you presently express your anger and resolve conflict.  Pay attention to what happens when someone wants to discuss an opinion that is different than yours.  How do you typically respond?  Stay tuned for more insight on identifying anger patterns.

Marlayne Whitlock, LAPC

mwhitlock@ growcounseling.com

Adapted from Torn Asunder workbook