photo: Stefano Leotta, Creative Commons

People pleasing can become a way of life for many people. They live their lives with the goal of pleasing others.

People pleasers tell others what they think they want to hear instead of freely sharing honest thoughts.

Sometimes this is done to avoid conflict.

Sometimes it is because significant relationships have sent subtle or not so subtle messages that honest feelings are not acceptable.

Communication in a people pleasing zone eventually becomes one-sided. Resentment is lagging only a few steps behind.

People pleasers often try to get high marks in the subject of mind reading.

A friend or spouse asks about plans and a people pleaser will often do what they think the other person wants to do instead of actually asking or voicing an opinion. It often comes from a place of trying to make others happy all the time. Many people pleasers are not aware that this is the way they are interacting with others.

Pay attention to the people pleasing zone in your life.

The next time someone ask your opinion, check in with yourself. Are you answering honestly or in a way that has its objective as pleasing the other person? I think on some level, we are all guilty of this. But when it is a pattern and not the exception, it becomes unhealthy.

And when you do realize that you’ve said or done something only to make someone else happy, take notice of how uncomfortable you feel.

Change is possible.

Marlayne Whitlock, M.A., LAPC

mwhitlock@ GROWcounseling.com