This blog series is continuing to explore concepts that will help parents to build a home that adult children want to come home to. In the previous two parts of this series, we explored structure vs. spontaneity and listening vs. lecturing. Both of these concepts are fundamental to building a strong family foundation.

In the last part of this series, we discuss the importance of patience with trends and styles.

Patience with trends and styles involves furthering our children’s sense of individuality. Children are going to grow up. They will become adults and will not have their parents making their choices for them. Therefore, it is the parents’ responsibility to teach them and to empower them to become their own individuals. If your child makes a choice or decision that is not in line with your values, think carefully before starting World War III over an issue that may or may not be worth it.

This goes back to flexibility. It is important to be flexible and allow your children to make some of their own choices within the parameters that you have set up. You, as their parent, are there to set boundaries and give guidance. Individuation is an important part of becoming a well-adjusted adult.

Individuation can be fostered from the time a person is a young child. They should be encouraged to have their own dreams, their own imagination, and their own life. Encouraging these things empowers them to be independent and to go after the things they want later in life. Restricting imagination and dreams while encouraging them to follow a path that you have created can have crippling effects when they are older. Having fear instilled in them at a young age will stifle their own identity and weaken their desire for self-exploration. As a result, this can cause detrimental effects when the child transitions from being a child to an adulthood and has to make decisions on their own.

Chelsey Beauchamp, MS
cbeauchamp @ growcounseling.com