A mother by the very nature of the word itself has brought forth life.  She has bathed and fed a helpless newborn and watched the amazing development of her child into a toddler on to a young child and then to preteen, teenager, young adult and beyond.  Each stage of development has its own struggles and concerns for a mother; somewhere along this journey into adulthood mothers have had a lot of potential to emotionally wound their children.  They have spoken harsh words when a gentle answer was needed or been remiss in caring either physically or emotionally, sometimes exhausted by the tasks of mothering and their own unmet needs.

A friend described a new low point in mothering.  Her children had been sick for weeks.  She needed food from the grocery store and buckled children in – only to hear, “I feel sick,” from the back seat.  She pulled over, the child threw up.  No wipes in the car, but a puddle of water nearby in the parking lot.  She said when she told him to clean his hands in the puddle she realized that this was a new low for her. She felt overwhelmed in her mothering responsibilities.

There are no perfect mothers.  We hover, smother, ignore, and try to control children and circumstances; as well as trying to function at levels of sleep deprivation that are akin to torture.  Our hormones rage after giving birth and continue to impact our interactions throughout each child’s life.  A mother myself, I recognize my own failures and take full responsibility for all the mistakes and damage I have done in child rearing.

Theorists in psychology have pointed to the mother/child relationship as a crucial place of bonding and trust for a child.  I believe mothers do the best they can in the circumstances of their lives.  There is always room for growth, but there is also a time of accepting the reality of our mothers despite their failures.  In any relationship insecurity breeds an environment of mistrust and wounds that have been covered and ignored will continue to be painful unless given care in the healing process.

Marlayne Whitlock, M.A., LAPC

mwhitlock@ GROWcounseling.com