This is part 1 in a 4 part series
Opposites attract. This is true in the realm of physics, but is often true in relationships also. I sometimes sit with couples who are on opposite ends of the communication spectrum. What once brought them together now divides.
Having a place of emotional safety is paramount in a healthy relationship. Partners (and parents) often use generalizations and language that stereotypes when there is conflict. “You always… You never…” are phrases that are commonly verbalized aloud. If you frequently find yourself communicating in this way, it can be harmful to your partner (or child) and the relationship.
Two guidelines:
- Avoid generalizing and stereotyping
- Do not blurt responses
Blurting out. I am guilty of this more often than I’d like to admit. Instead of investing energy in to listening (to themselves and their partner) couples often simply talk at each other, filling air space and adding to the din of conflict. Think about a time out signal (more to come with guideline 7) if needed so each of you can return to a place of listening.
Adapted from The Power of the Middle Ground, Marty Babit
Marlayne Whitlock, LAPC
MWhitlock@ GROWCounseling.com