Let’s face it, maintaining a satisfying and successful marriage is hard. Adding children to the mix adds even more complexity to the relationship. With the demands of busy schedules, it can be easy to push aside time to connect with your spouse so you can focus on your family. So much time and energy is given to your children, the time with your spouse alone seems to disappear from your schedule.
In the long run, neglecting your marriage during the parenting years can be damaging.
If this has happened to your marriage, don’t lose hope. Consider the following strategies to ensure that you and your spouse stay strong as a couple and that your marriage isn’t overshadowed by your children. The important thing is that you remember to intentionally put your marriage first.
- Check in with your spouse during the day – If your schedules allow it, talk on the phone at least once a day, just to see how things are going for both of you. If talking isn’t feasible, send a brief email or text, just to let your spouse know you’re thinking of them.
- Date Nights / Day Dates – At least once every two weeks, enjoy a date with your spouse. Keep in mind that it doesn’t have to be an evening out. If you both work, go out for breakfast or lunch while the kids are in preschool/daycare/school.
- Get the kids to bed early – Have set bedtimes for the kids and make time in the evening after they are in bed. Being consistent with bedtimes allows you time to unwind and focus on one other.
- Schedule Sex – This sounds a bit “un”-spontaneous — and it is. But it’s often the only practical way to make sure you keep your intimate relationship on your to-do list. Decide together on the day/days that you can commit to and follow through with it each week.
- Speak Your Spouses Love Language – Each person defines the expression of love differently. Whether it’s words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service or physical touch, Gary Chapman can help you identify how you and your spouse best receive love in his book The Five Love Languages.
Michelle Rathburn, MS
mrathburn @ growcounseling.com