My sister came up with a game we used to play in restaurants when we were in those hormone filled pubescent years:  Married or Single?  It was a guessing game involving couples at nearby tables – far enough away to be able to view them, but not see wedding rings.  (At least I think we were far enough away so that no one heard us.)  These were the rules:  A short observation time followed by a guess at their marital status.  We would then wait for the couple to leave or walk by their table to look for rings.  (Not conspicuous at all.)

What I learned in those early teenage years often still rings true today when I observe couples.  The singles (or newlyweds) are easiest to spot.  They are engaged in conversation at the table, looking at one another and paying attention to their partner.  Married couples tend to battle against the routine of daily life and seem to have a difficult time engaging their spouse in conversation.  (Granted, these were not high end restaurants.)

Can your marriage take the challenge?  Sadly, most people cannot name 10 healthy marriages they have observed and would like to emulate.  In fact, naming 5 healthy marriages seems to be a stretch.  A healthy marriage is not as easy as Hollywood portrays it on the screen.  Some days it takes commitment and hard work and effort.  Pay attention to your marriage.  Pay attention to your spouse and engage them in intriguing conversation the next time you are out to eat and surprise some young person who may be playing this game.

Marlayne Whitlock, MA
MWhitlock@ GROWCounseling.com