Maybe you have seen the commercial where a couple is out for a romantic dinner yet all the while the male is checking a game while conversation is taking place with his partner.  Sadly, the commercial makes light of something all too common in relationships – instead of being intentional in listening to another, we focus on our own wants and desires.

Often in relationships where patterns have been established over time, listening skills become tone deaf when it comes to matters of the heart.  Really listening to another’s heart takes a willingness to be honest and vulnerable in the relationship.  This can be difficult work if a couple is entrenched in their ways and out of practice.

How about some fine tuning of the heart and a check-up on listening?   Find fifteen minutes (or thirty) of uninterrupted time.  Sit facing one another and look into each other’s eyes.  Have a conversation. Listen to one another.  Listen with your ears to hear the words spoken, but also listen with your heart, full of love for the other person. I imagine this is what it was like when you were dating.

p.s. This is not for couples only.  It can also work with family and friends.

Marlayne Whitlock, LAPC
mwhitlock@ GROWcounseling.com