It seems to be getting harder and harder for folks to communicate anymore. With all of the modern technology at our disposal one would think it’d be easier. However, I’ve noticed with many couples that it breaks down even faster than before. The “he doesn’t listen to me” or “she doesn’t understand” occurs so very early on once couples can’t retreat to different abodes. The ability for couples to stay up into the twilight hours rarely happens. Real life continues despite differences arising and that can adversely affect communication. So where did the good communicating ability go? When did the idea phase out that people hung on every word until there were no more words to be spoken?

Part of the answer lies in the means of communication we use. We’ve become so dependent on texting, emailing, tweeting and facebooking that the spoken tone is often missing. This is where most of good communication is sent and received. Unless we emphasize by italicizing or emboldening certain words or phrases in texts, etc. we miss a great deal of what others are saying. As a therapist I understand the significance of talking with individuals face to face. At the same time, if a client only sees me constantly nodding my head what will he or she take from the session but that I was there, not that I was completely understanding what they were trying to convey.

In their book “Motivational Interviewing” Miller and Rollnick express this “when there is a clear goal for change, motivational interviewing involves not only eliciting but also responding in particular ways to change talk.” This is how we know we are expressing what we’re feeling and how we hear others convening their thoughts and feelings to us. We listen. We absorb the words, tone, and inflection others are using to describe what they’re experiencing and trying to indicate. So, what might it look like for you to every once in a while put the technology on the shelf when you arrive home and take just a few minutes to talk? To really have good communication.