FOMO, also known as the “fear of missing out,” has become a common phrase in today’s conversations (or at least for the twenty-something age bracket). For those of you who are not in the loop, FOMO is a term people at times use in reference to their frustration at not being able to be two or three or eighteen different places at once. They even use it in reference to their anger and sadness that they are “missing out” because they were not invited to an event or social gathering of sorts.

Sherry Turkle, a professor of the Social Studies of Science and Technology at MIT, wrote a book called Alone Together in which she discusses this current sate of affairs where people seem to continuously be afraid of “missing out.” Turkle does a TED talk in which she specifically hones in on how technology is playing into this “fear of missing out” and its current effects and potential effects on individuals and the quality of relationships.

She discusses how, while relationships in real-time are rich, complex, demanding and messy, we are able to “clean them up” with technology. I mean who really wants to post a video on Facebook where they are having an argument with their spouse over being late for dinner “again”? Or who wants to post a “selfie” on Instagram when you’re experiencing the worst breakout you’ve had since you first hit puberty? Or post a picture of what you are NOT doing on a Friday night when you see “everyone else” updating their statuses of where they are going and whom they are with and how much “fun” they are having?

Turkle discusses some other repercussions from being “constantly connected” to text messaging, emails, and social media forums (among other things) via our smart phones and computers. In reference to her book title, we are “together” but ultimately “alone.” We aren’t able to actually engage the people we are with because we are too busy “connecting” with others on our phones.

I would feel like a fraud if I pretended like I don’t look at my phone during conversations with friends or in social settings. Nor should I neglect to mention that I too am on social media forums as well. I also post those “good” and “pretty” moments. I am not suggesting that smart phones and social media need to be banned. But I am wondering what the implications are of being constantly “connected” with those who are not physically present with us. How is this affecting the quality of our conversations and relationships with others? How is this impacting us as individuals?

As therapists, we see individuals, couples and families come into our offices frequently reporting feelings of isolation and loneliness. I wonder how much technology plays into this. Is it possible to implement boundaries around our devices that would help us to establish environments more conducive for truly connecting with others?

Mary Overstreet, LAMFT

moverstreet@ GROWcounseling.com