Relationships. Wouldn’t it be nice if there were a formula for them? Amazingly, there is! It is a magic formula. Really. The math is easy: 5 to 1. Dr. John Gottman (who has studied couple interactions for 40 years) found that when couples speak more positively than negatively to one another, there is a much higher rate of satisfaction in the relationship. And the math is so easy, but not exactly balanced.

The studies show that when you are negative in communicating with your spouse just one time, it takes five positive comments to bring the relationship back into a place of balance. I think the exponential mathematics is worth pondering-10:2, 50:10, 100:20. The small ways in which you interact with your spouse add up pretty quickly. You may want to pay attention to your interactions. Are there more positive interactions than negative? Speaking respectfully to your spouse is an investment to make your relationship better. Try the magic formula. Speak more positively than negatively to your spouse today.

Marlayne Whitlock, M.A., LAPC

mwhitlock@ GROWcounseling.com