Handling disagreements isn’t always easy. As a therapist I help people find resolutions. Sometimes it’s easier than other times. As I work with couples, I explain that their backgrounds have a lot to do with how they handle conflict. We discuss how healthy outcomes can be difficult to achieve all the time. Also, it’s important to determine what specific topic should be the focus of the conversation. Too often the main issue is left behind as attitudes and personalities arise.

Picking and choosing one’s battles is significant because it permits boundaries to be implemented. Boundaries are important because when two people can agree to disagree without hurting each other, then major hostilities can be avoided. It’s the picking at one another that lead things into further contentions. The blame game comes into play and then the situation escalates and no resolution is reached.

However, it doesn’t have to be that way. When couples keep themselves under self-control, there doesn’t have to be a shouting match. Troubling comments don’t have to be said and make things worse. Providing each other the opportunity to express without feeling criticized or demeaned will allow a healthy discussion to take place where proper resolution can be accomplished.

Mark Ellison, LAMFT
MEllison @GROWcounseling.com