Whether it is your friend, family member or you, we all know someone who has entered into a new relationship only days or weeks after a long term, intense relationship. While having someone new might be exciting and cause the sadness of the past break up to feel like it has gone away, when someone jumps too quickly into a relationship, issues are still sure to arise.

If you enter too quickly into another dating relationship, you might still be psychologically dating your ex. Imposing your old mindset on your new boyfriend/girlfriend is unfair to both you and to him/her. Many times, the rebound relationship is a short term solution to pain that will take time to heal. After a break up, you will often feel much more vulnerable and needy which is toxic for a new relationship. It might dull the initial pain but it will slow down the healing process and potentially cause additional heartbreak. That is why I steer my clients clear from dating immediately.

So, a word of advice….. Take time off after a break up/divorce to grieve and heal so that you will be able to fully engage emotionally with someone else in the future. Use your past wounds as a catalyst for growth by learning from your mistakes. Ask yourself the following questions in order to gain additional insight. Write these answers down in a journal so that you can view this when you go into your next relationship. Since history often repeats itself, it is important to look at the areas where you can continue to grow so that you do not enter into another relationship that resembles your past.

What did I learn from my past relationship?
What did this relationship teach me about what I need in a future husband/wife?
What areas do I need to grow in for future relationships?
What did I appreciate from this past relationship?

Emily Shupert, LAPC, MABC