When I was first asked to blog about dating and the single life, I got excited! I was single myself for many years between a divorce in my mid-20s and meeting my now husband, which was just 3 years ago. I thought blogging about dating and giving advice would be so easy for me because I had so much experience with it for many years. Plus I’ve read just about every self-help book out there on dating!

However, the more I pondered writing about common issues in the dating world, a thought came to me about how to date successfully. I had dated “unsuccessfully” for many years as I navigated single life. I had many relationships that broke up, and this frustrated me. Marriage was my ultimate goal when I was single, and it took me a long time to attain this. So, what would I have to offer to those who are in the midst of this life stage now?  I wallowed in that thought for a while and felt somewhat defeated.

Finally I asked myself “What does it mean to date successfully anyway?” And, a light bulb went off in my head. Maybe I actually had dated successfully all those years! After all, dating is much more than simply finding someone who will go with you to the marriage altar. Dating is about self-discovery, personal growth, learning from other people and from your mistakes. It’s also about figuring out what type of person you work best with and want to be with long-term. If a dating relationship doesn’t continue long-term or turn into an engagement, we tend to think it was a failure. Perhaps we’re looking at it backwards. The flip side of that is simply that all dating relationships aren’t supposed to end up in marriage! What we may deem a failure is actually a success because one or both persons realized it wasn’t the right material for a life time partnership.

As difficult and painful as relationship break-ups can be, reframe the situation by realizing that you simply “haven’t met the best person for you yet”. I know. I always hated that cliché, too. But it is definitely true! I now know that if any of my previous dating relationships had “worked out” (i.e. ended in a marriage), then I wouldn’t have had the chance to meet and marry the man who is now my wonderful husband and the absolute best for me.

Be sure to check back on the first Friday of each month for more of my thoughts on dating and single life.

Stacey Wald, LAPC, RD

swald@ growcounseling.com