Isn’t it amazing how fast we see our life go by? It’s often referred to as “the cycle of life.” We can see it very clearly in those around us who have been on this earth for many years. How do you envision yourself handling the time when your parents or elderly loved ones get to the stage, or state of mind, when they can no longer do things for themselves? It can be very challenging, especially if they have been independent for long periods of time. Do the immediate thoughts come to mind that “they’ll just go into assisted living” or “I’m sure that they’ll understand I can’t take care of them?” Don’t be so quick to assume these ideas or plans will come to fruition.

It’s hard to imagine that what we plan for them “in their best interest,” will be automatically accepted and they will be jumping up and down for joy. No, the reality is that they quite often want to remain just where they are and that the “I can take care of myself” attitude will be strongly stressed, thereby causing family members great “stress”. It’s always important to remember that these were once the highly motivated caretakers and now, they’re the ones in need of being taken care of. The role reversals are not always easy to accept. However, there are some ways to assist in this transition that may allow it to go more smoothly.

“Genius is Patience” Disraeli.” If we are to be smart about how to treat those entering the “golden years,” one must be patient. It’s not always easy, granted. Yet, to demonstrate love, care and concern for their well-being, it’s imperative. Will there be times when they reach your last nerve, definitely. However, the transition from self-dependence and self-reliance is becoming less and less for them, and even though it may not be apparent, they realize it. Talk to them as though they’re making the decisions and life will be easier than demanding that they accept the inevitable. Lastly, do yourself a favor and take some time away from them. Have a trusted friend or other family member lend a hand. If necessary and it’s affordable, have a helping agency send someone for a few hours a day or week. You’ll find yourself and the person involved being able to complete their cycle of life in a much more managed and meaningful way.

Mark Ellison, LAMFT