Censored Relationships – Removing the Censor Between Partners

Are you able to talk with your partner about your relationship and sex life? If your answer is no,  do not worry, you are not alone.  A lot of times partners find it difficult to talk about their sex lives, even with each other.  Creating a safe place within your relationship to talk about your sexual relationship can be difficult if you have been in a censored relationship for a while.  Many times, couples come into my office and have not even told their partners about their discomfort with their sexual relationship and often use code-words or infantile words to describe their body parts, feelings and sexual acts.  A lot of the time, couples were raised in a way that shamed their sexuality and never even discussed sex with their families when they were growing up.  If you were not comfortable talking with your parents about your body, and changes during puberty, then this can carry over into your relationship with your spouse or partner.

Here are some tips about how to begin healthy relationship talks with your partner:

1)     Begin the conversation in a setting where both you and your partner feel comfortable and have privacy

2)     Consider having a conversation with a couple’s therapist that has had training in Sex Therapy

3)     Think of the conversation as a great way to enhance your relationship and sex lives

4)     Start the conversation by complementing your partner about something they are excellent at in your relationship

Adam Glendye MAMFT
aglendye@ GROWcounseling.com