If you struggle with anger, taking the time to measure your angry outbursts can be a helpful tool. Anger has such a negative reputation because of the way people react when this emotion surfaces. I often tell clients that anger is a signal that flashes across our lives to indicate that something is happening which may be very important in that one moment in time.

Pay attention to your angry moments. Measure them. I suggest writing down the things/people/situations where you become angriest, then scale the anger: 10 being the red, hot, flaming anger and 1 being the annoyance of being inconvenienced in a particular situation. If you pay attention, there may be a pattern that emerges with certain people or situations. If you have a strong sense of justice, anger will surface when you recognize even the smallest injustice. Sometimes the anger is related to something deep within ourselves. A wife who becomes angry when her husband leaves a mess in the house may not feel supported in other areas of the relationship. A husband that has communicated the need to stay within a budget may feel anger when his wife makes a purchase without any discussion of the purchase.

Once you have taken the time to list and scale your anger, I suggest starting with the thing/person/situation where you are prone to be the least angry. Take some time and explore what may be the source of the anger and look for patterns there. This will help you to recognize these situations as they start and choose to react differently. You can move up to more difficult situations once you’ve had some practice. Taking the time to measure your anger can help to reduce anger in your life.

Marlayne Whitlock, M.A., LAPC

mwhitlock@ GROWcounseling.com