What does it take to be an effective communicator? It takes the ability to listen. By listening, we learn to understand others. If we want them to know us and care about what we think and feel, it’s important to be willing to give the same courtesy. Do you ever find yourself abruptly interrupting someone’s comments? We almost all do it. However, it’s not going to make for great communication and we’re probably not going to be the great communicator we desire to attain to. So, do yourself and others a favor, learn to speak your opinion or thoughts when the other is finished. Do you ever find the need to get loud I mean really, really loud in order to be heard? It’s almost like “can you hear me, I’m screaming! This isn’t the most helpful way of dialogue either.
When a person finds themselves yelling to be heard it’s time to slow down and rethink why you need to communicate in that manner. Is it a concern that others may not hear you, or maybe they’re not interested in what you’re saying? It could be just that it’s not the opportune time for you to be discussing the matter. For whatever reason(s), pay attention to their body language. If it seems as though they’re ignoring you, they may have good reason and that in and of itself may be a topic for discussion. Communication isn’t always easy whether with family or friends. So when the opportunities arise to chat about important matters do your best to listen first. Hear what the other person completely has to say and then respond with self-control and a true desire to know what they mean.
Former President Ronald Reagan was referred to as “the Great Communicator.” Much can be learned from his manners and demeanor when talking about issues of significance. If you have someone whom you admire, notice how they handle themselves even when the topics can be of a volatile nature. Do they keep their composure or do they allow their emotions to dictate their conversation. Learn to effectively communicate and you’ll learn the art of listening. An ancient Proverb says “be quick to listen and slow to speak.” That may be why we have two ears and only one mouth.
Mark Ellison, LAMFT