No, not the once in a lifetime happenstance that sends a couple into eternal bliss. I’m referring to those daily situations that have such significance and impact on our lives and the lives of others that they become milestones to remember and cherish. So how and when do these amazing events occur you ponder? They very often happen when we take the opportunity to remove ourselves from the central focus and place that spotlight on others.

You’ve heard it said that “it’s better to give than to receive.” Many individuals consider this idea in regard to the giving of things, such as gifts at the holiday season. Now this is certainly a great concept, I mean, who doesn’t like to receive new, and sometimes costly items, purchased at just the place where we’d like to shop. However, to make something truly worthwhile, it takes time and energy and it’s that time and energy that I’m speaking about.

If we all take time and energy from ourselves and direct it toward those around us, we place our concern on them. We get the chance to truly learn about someone else. Their thoughts, concerns, and yes, their desires become paramount, and that enables us to demonstrate how significant they are and thus provides the occasion to affect them in a very positive way. Joined with the refocus is stress reduction. The more we consider and concern our thoughts about others, the less we attune those thoughts to our own needs and wants, thereby providing some sense of reduced stress and anxiety. This is why the affairs to remember in our daily lives bring more to us than we apprehend.

Mark Ellison, JD, LAMFT