If you were going to the grocery store, you would probably make a list with all the items you needed. Right? It would be far less efficient and it would leave you disappointed with the wasted time, energy, and money because you probably bought more than what you actually needed. Well, it is the same with dating! If you don’t know what you are looking for, you will end up waiting your time, emotional energy, etc. If you make a list for the grocery story, why wouldn’t you make a list for one of the most important parts of your life…relationships!

In efforts to make a list, you need to know where to start. You can start by making a list of 30 things you want and don’t want for your next relationship. Some of these factors can be issues you didn’t like or appreciated from past relationships. Use your past (positive or painful situations) to make a list of what you would like in your future relationships.

Once you make this list of 30 items you want/don’t want, condense it to a list of top 5 things you must have and top 5 things you can’t stand.  While the top 5 are supposed to be more specific, they cannot be too specific so that .01% of the population meets this standard (i.e. must have platinum blond hair, size 4, or makes $100k or more/yr, etc.) The top 5 list is supposed to be a tool to help you filter out the good but not best options. Your time and emotional energy are very precious, so use this list to help you filter potential dates while also not cutting your options down so far that it won’t allow anyone to make the cut.

Once you make your final top 5 list, give it to 2 of your friends who will be able to keep you accountable when you are either dating people whom go against your list and also to check if your standards are too narrow.  Make your list, go on dates, and have fun as you learn more about what you like and don’t like as well as learning about yourself too!

Emily Shupert, LAPC, MABC