Parenting is a tough job! Each phase of kids growing up comes with its own set of new joys and new struggles. The teen years can be particularly trying, as teens test out different identities, explore newfound privileges and independence, and parents try to adjust to their child getting older and separating themselves a bit from the family.

As you grapple with how, when, and which boundaries are the right ones, keep in mind a few tips that will hopefully smooth the transition to adulthood for your teen and your family.

• Pick your battles. It can be is easy to get sucked into power struggles on a frequent basis that leave both you and your teen drained, resentful, and distant from each other. Save your energy for the issues and incidents that are most important to you and your family and try to allow some of the less pivotal issues fall by the wayside. Your stress level will thank you.
• Get on the same page. Teens can be masters as finding loopholes in established rules and structure, so it is important that you are very clear and straightforward with expectations as well as the consequences (both positive and negative) that are a result of the choices your teen makes. If you are co-parenting, it is important for all authority figures to enforce the same boundaries so your teen doesn’t get mixed messages.
• Allow your teen to have input into what is most important to them. Getting their buy-in by considering their priorities can go a long way in getting them to follow the rules in other areas. It is also important that as your teen gets older that they know their thoughts, opinions, and emotions are important and valuable to their parents.
• Keep your expectations realistic, and love your teen throughout. Testing boundaries is a normal part of growing up, so it is important to recognize that there will be times when your teen will break the rules in some way. Make sure they know that at the end of the day, you love them even if they do struggle or make mistakes, and that while there are consequences for actions it doesn’t change the fact that they are your child and you’ll always love them.

Molly Halbrooks, LAMFT
mhalbrooks @ growcounseling.com