I recently read a blog about building a home that children want to come back to. Parents walk a tight rope when it comes to parenting. Some parents hover over their children in order to protect them from perceived harsh realties of this world. Other parents believe that it is important to be hands off and let their children have the freedom to explore without guidance or boundaries.

There are many different perspectives on parenting.

Despite which parenting style you choose, the end goal is often similar: having healthy, happy, and well-adjusted children who remain close when they become adults. In this particular blog series, there were a few points that stood out to me, including structure vs. spontaneity, listening vs. lecturing, and patience with trends and styles.

In this blog series, we will discuss the benefits and disadvantages to structure vs. spontaneity.

Many times parents take side on these issues. They are either very structured or have little to no structure. One major disadvantage to rigid structure is the added stress that is inflicted upon the parents as well as the children. Parents simply cannot control every move their children make. When parents try to over-control a situation under the guise of protecting their child from every mistake, it adds much more stress to the family system.

On the other hand, boundaries and guidance help children feel safe and secure. The key is to have a balance between structure and spontaneity. Surprises are good!!! Staying up late and eating ice cream for dinner when the Grandparents visit is fun, and it is a treat. However, staying up late and eating ice cream for dinner every night will not give children the proper rest or nutrition that they need.

As parents, we have the responsibility to raise our children in the best possible way that we can. It is important to remember that we make mistakes and so will our children. Flexibility is key in order to truly enjoy our children and the families that we are a part of. Flexibility also allows children who make mistakes to feel that they will still be accepted and loved.

Chelsey Beauchamp, MS
cbeauchamp @ growcounseling.com