I was in a meeting earlier this week where everyone else in the room was using a particular phrase, self care. It seemed to communicate a very specific idea. They all appeared to be on the same page as to what it meant and it looked as if the phrase helped them communicate this specific idea quite efficiently.

There was only one problem. I had no idea what they meant! I had never heard this particular phrase before.

Many of us work in industries that begin to develop their own cultures and vocabularies. Counseling is no different. There is no shortage of seven-syllable words in the field of psychotherapy. (I mean, just look at the name itself…) One of those catch-phrases that you’re likely to hear if you ever have a conversation with a counselor or therapist is self care.

But exactly does self care mean?

When I think about self-care, I think about the pre-flight announcements that flight attendants make. “If there is a sudden loss in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. If you are traveling with children or those that need assistance, please make sure to secure your own oxygen mask before assisting those around you.”

Self care is the process of securing your own oxygen mask before assisting those around you.

I’ve always thought that must be the most counter-intuitive instruction new parents can hear when flying with an infant. You’re telling me what? If there’s a problem and this plane is going down, I’m supposed to secure my own oxygen mask before helping this completely helpless child that is the center of my whole world? That’s crazy.

So I did what any naturally curious person would do. I asked a flight attendant. Why do you guys say that? And she had a great answer. She said, “It’s simple. That new mother can’t help save her child if she’s passed out due to lack of oxygen. Mom has to be able to function in order to save her child’s life.”

And that’s the best definition of self care that I’ve ever heard.

It’s taking care of ourselves so that we’re in a position to care for others.

It might seem selfish to some. But the truth is, we’re not serving our children, spouses, co-workers or customers if we spend so much time focusing on them that we end up depressed, anxious or burnt out.

What constitutes self care? It varies from person to person. There’s no specific ritual. No regulated amount of time or emotional investment. Diet, sleep and exercise are usually a good place to start. Making time in your schedule to be intentional with all three is usually a step in the right direction. Another good rule of thumb is to think about what you love to do. If you looked down on your calendar and realized you had tomorrow completely free, how would you spend that time? What energizes you? For some people, its something relaxing like reading a book or getting a massage. For others, it’s something exhausting like playing basketball or climbing a mountain.

Ultimately, self care is more than just taking one hour for yourself when you have a slow day at work (although that can be helpful). It’s the self-awareness of knowing what things in life are life-giving to you, and fiercely protecting time in your schedule for those things.

Eric McClerren, MA CIT
emcclerren @ growcounseling.com