photo: Leland Francisco, Creative Commons

Many couples begin their marriage with an expectation of instantaneous intimacy and connection.

The reality is good marriages require an enormous amount of hard work as well as an attitude of self-sacrifice.

There will be challenges.

Sometimes daily.

What were your expectations going into marriage? Were those expectations met or have they gone unmet? Are they realistic or based more in the realm of a fairy tale?

There are a number of factors that affect our expectations of marriage.

Media paints a particular picture of marriage and relationships.

Movies and TV shows make relationships look like romance is there all the time. Social media has the potential to make it seem as though each and every friend’s marriage is so easy.  Even the books we read give us a romanticized view of relationships.

And then there is our own family.

The stories of marriage we see in our family play a large part in our thinking about what to expect in marriage. If parents always dealt with the difficult things behind closed doors, then children may think that marriage is easy.

Sometimes parents push all the difficult things deep inside themselves and give in to their spouse in exchange for peace. In this scenario children may learn that only partner gets to have a voice in marriage.

Some parents do let their children in on the struggles, and children raised in these homes will have a much more realistic idea of what marriage entails.

Regardless, it’s important to be honest about your expectations and work through them with your partner.