It seems a lot of people have difficulty finding someone who is “emotionally available” for a relationship. Many stay in a relationship way too long, only to finally realize their romantic partner is unwilling or unable to follow through with a commitment. In order to find an emotionally available person, you first have to weed out the ones who are obviously not available to you. There are some telltale signs that you are investing yourself in someone who simply isn’t available. Don’t try to figure out the reason they are not available. They just aren’t!

Check these out:

1. You give more than you receive. If you’re starting to feel like the relationship is one-sided or goes only one way, then pay attention to that. Your intuition or gut may be trying to let you know that this person isn’t really available. Actions speak louder than words in most cases.

2. They don’t show up for you. This can take place in many arenas. In short, people who really care will make important things happen and support you when you really need it.

3. They are poor communicators. This can come in the form of not calling or answering the phone, not giving you clear answers to questions, or only communicating via text or email. If you’re not spending face-to-face quality time together, then you aren’t really in a relationship.

4. They are full of excuses and indecisive. They may be busy, tired, stressed, unsure, ambivalent, overworked, financially strapped or broke, etc. Whatever their reasons, they are simply not ready or available to date you.

5. They talk about their past relationship A LOT. Talking excessively about their “ex” and what happened in their previous relationship–including feelings of animosity, anger, and sadness–is a sign they are not completely healed. Thus, they are not fully available for a new relationship. Unfortunately, you cannot get them to heal. They have to do that on their own.

The good news is that there are many healthy and available men and women out there who would like to be in a dating relationship. Being more aware and intentional about your choices of dates can help you attract one of these people.

Stacey Wald, LAPC, RD

Swald @growcounseling.com