School is back in session. Some kids have graduated from high school and moved on to the college phase of their lives. Others are starting high school or middle school for the first time. Among the changes and transitions of starting a new phase of schooling is that of puberty. For girls, the start of puberty usually begins at age 10-11 and ends at age 15-17, (though there are certainly exceptions). This physical developmental phase is a process, and these transition times make a child vulnerable. It is during any one of these changes that body image issues, low self esteem, and even eating disorders can be triggered. The changes in the physical body and hormonal shifts can be overwhelming. Parents can be more aware and approach their daughters with sensitivity to help ease these transitions.
The way you talk to your daughter about her body and the changes she is undergoing can greatly improve her chances of developing a healthy self esteem and body image. This goes a long way in preventing disordered eating which affects overall health. In particular, the mother in a girl’s life is especially influential in how her daughter will view herself and her body. A mother’s own personal relationship with her body, food, and herself is likely to be passed down to her daughter.
Some Body Talk Dos & Don’ts
- DON’T talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works. Don’t say anything if she’s lost weight. Don’t say anything if she’s gained weight. If you think her body looks great, don’t say that either.
- DO give her compliments like these: “You look so healthy”; “You’re looking so strong”; “I can see how happy you are; you’re glowing”
- DO keep the focus is off of weight and how the body looks.
- DO compliment her often on things that have nothing to do with her body: how well she’s doing in school; the positive way in which she treats others; her leadership skills; etc.
- DON’T comment, positively or negatively, on other women’s bodies either. In short, be silent about bodies. Remain neutral about bodies.
- DON’t make negative comments about your own body in front of your daughter.
- DON’T go on a diet in front of your daughter. Don’t talk about dieting or how bad certain foods are, like carbs. Remain neutral. It’s okay to buy healthy food and prepare healthy meals, but limit the amount of talking you do about it.
- DO set the example by developing a healthy relationship with your own body and with food. If you realize you struggle in these areas, get professional help and make positive changes. In the end, your daughter will pick up on your thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors about food and your body.
Stacey Wald, LAPC, RD
Swald @gmail.com