“My husband and I are constantly arguing about which of our parenting philosophies is the best. He is more rigid and expects the kids to do whatever he says because he says so, and I am way more laid back and want to let them just be kids. Is he right, or am I?”

 Permissive — Authoritative — Authoritarian 

The basic characteristic of the Permissive Parent is someone who doesn’t put much stock in setting and enforcing boundaries. This philosophy rejects the whole notion of keeping one’s children under control. A stark contrast to the parent who lacks the necessary tools to maintain control, the Permissive Parent believes the child is better off “just being a kid” rather than having to follow so many rules.

Permissive Parents don’t see themselves as authority figures. These parents don’t implement any form of overt power over their children. Instead they try to reason with them or somehow manipulate their children into behaving a certain way.

This is not to say that the Permissive Parent doesn’t care for their child. On the contrary, much like the Authoritative Parent they care very much for their children and are often very emotionally supportive. The primary difference between these 2 philosophies though is that the Permissive Parent believes their children are able to regulate themselves on their own.

There are a variety of consequences that result from this philosophy. Most research suggests that Permissive Parenting, particularly with the lack of consistent rules and boundaries, more often than not results in a lack of respect for authority. While these children may develop a greater self-esteem, they are less responsible and less disciplined.  Some studies even suggest that these children:

• Have higher rates of substance abuse
• Develop higher levels of aggression over time
• Achieve less at school
• Are less active

For a great resource about Permissive Parenting and potential outcomes, check out parentingscience.com

Nick Hersey, LAMFT, LAPC

nhersey@ GROWcounseling.com