I’ve always been a romantic at heart. I love flowers, chick flicks, poetry, love songs, fairy tales, and the list goes on. I also used to love the idea of a soul mate—my one and only “prince” who would come into my life at the perfect time and sweep me off my feet, saving me from whatever drudgery I was experiencing at the time. We would live happily ever after, of course. Thankfully, my views about soul mates changed over time with doses of reality and life experiences….

The idea of a “soul mate” comes from Greek mythology, which says that humans originally had one head but two faces, four arms and four legs. The story goes that Zeus feared the human race would threaten the authority of the gods. So, he decided to split humans into two parts to weaken them, leaving them searching for their other half to make them whole. According to this myth, a person’s soul mate or other half is the “one-and-only” that will complete them.

In our modern day, we still think of a “soul mate” as the one and only person in this world who will complete us, love us just the way we are, and complement us perfectly. With this view of love, there is no need to work at a relationship. All will be well once we finally meet that unique person. Unfortunately, this perspective often leaves people looking for perfection, being picky, rejecting potentially good matches for them, and all alone in the end. The belief that a soul mate will eventually appear in one’s life may also lead to a lack of trying in the dating world, and a lack of working on oneself to be a more valuable partner. It can also lead to serial dating—many short-lasting relationships in which a person dumps a good match once things gets tough.

The truth is, there are many good potential partners out there for each person. The goal is to find one good one that is reasonably compatible with you and willing to work on a relationship. This doesn’t sound nearly as romantic as destiny, fate, and one true love, but it is actually what works in the end.

Stacey Wald, LAPC, RD

swald@ growcounseling.com