“My husband and I are constantly arguing about which of our parenting styles is the best.  He is more rigid and expects the kids to do whatever he says because he says so, and I am way more laid back and want to let them just be kids.  Is he right, or am I?”

In both my Atlanta and Suwanee offices this has been a recurring theme that parents want to address.

Most professionals agree that there are basically 3 parenting styles – Permissive, Authoritative, & Authoritarian.  Coined by Diana Baumrind in the mid 1960’s, devpsy.org does a great job summarizing her descriptions.

I find it easiest to think of these 3 philosophies on a continuum like so:

Permissive — Authoritative — Authoritarian

There has been a fair amount of debate over the years about which style creates the overall healthiest results.  For the most part though, experts agree that a happy medium between the Permissive and Authoritarian styles produce the healthiest functioning children.

• Permissive – The Permissive parent basically sets few boundaries and rarely, if ever, enforces them because they don’t want to upset their child.  Instead, this parent often allows the child to do as they wish, barring some obvious grave danger, and places few expectations on obedience.

• Authoritarian – The Authoritarian parent, on the other hand, is the antithesis of the Permissive parent in that they demand their child to adhere to each and every boundary set in place without question.  Most often this parent will emphasize obedience without questions and will oftentimes utilize whatever punitive measure it takes.

• Authoritative – The Authoritative Parent is a blend of both the Permissive & Authoritarian styles with an added caring tone.  While promoting a consistent and structured limit-setting environment this parent is open and willing to discuss boundaries while attempting to help their child better understand the “why” of a decision.

Be on the lookout for the next 3 articles of this 4 part series which will break down each style in more detail.

Nick Hersey, LAMFT, LAPC

nhersey@ GROWcounseling.com