Father wounds come in many shapes and sizes.  One of the most destructive wounds come from fathers who have walked out of their children’s lives.  Often it is at an early age, but even into high school and college, when a father walks away, it creates an abyss that leaves a child grasping for the why.   The love and trust of a healthy adult male is a void that continues to be the cause of much pain well into adulthood.

Some fathers allow work to take precedence over their children; they prioritize meetings over children’s events (i.e. birthdays and extracurricular activities).  Other fathers withdraw into a newspaper or computer or television screen, allowing world events or a sports team to consume their time and energy over interactions with their children.  There are fathers who vent their anger in unhealthy ways and model no self-control.

Sometimes the beginning of the healing process begins by looking for the goodness in a father who has left deep wounds. This may be a difficult place to start, but it may readjust thinking to recognize the humanness of a father who was a prisoner of his own pain and unable to be the healthy role model needed within the family structure.  Fathers are not perfect.  The gift of forgiveness allows a child to recognize the weakness of their father and not repeat the same cycle in their own lives.  Healing from any wound needs special care for a time.  Allow yourself the time to heal.

Marlayne Whitlock, M.A., LAPC

mwhitlock@ GROWcounseling.com