The other evening I had the occasion to babysit my grandchildren. Things were going very well until my two and a half year old granddaughter decided she would test her grandpa. She had been playing with some toys and left them scattered around the living room. That was not a problem as I’m used to picking up after she leaves. However, on this night I asked her to pick some pieces up and put them away. Her determined look to be noncompliant was immediate. Unfortunately for her, I didn’t accept that behavior from her dad and I wasn’t about to let her get away with it. This became one of those times when having a clear understanding with my daughter- in-law as to what should be expected when one of her children isn’t obedient would have been helpful.

The importance of establishing boundaries and having a clear understanding between parents and grandparents in caring for children is essential. In order to avoid misunderstandings or hurt feelings being on the same page of what’s acceptable or expected could prove very important and beneficial should grandparents find themselves providing babysitting and the opportunity for correcting behavior arises. For just a moment I found myself in a difficult position and pondered what to do.  Elizabeth Grace writes in Setting Discipline Limits “it can be most helpful if parents are certain to discuss their expectations with grandparents before leaving the children in their care so that there are no misunderstandings.” Also, “It is equally important that the children are made to understand that they are expected to obey their grandparents and that if they do not, the consequences will be the same as if they disobeyed their parents.”

When my daughter-in-law arrived to our house we had a very comfortable conversation concerning what discipline should look like. We were able to establish that clear understanding. It was a valuable lesson learned that night.

Mark Ellison, LAMFT