Long-distance relationships are on the rise as more married and committed couples make the decision or are forced to live in different locations to pursue work, military, or education opportunities.  Regardless of the reasons a couple starts a long-distance relationship it is important for a couple to consider common difficulties that arise in this type of relationship. Some of the common difficulties include sadness when separating, not being available for each other, each partner having different tolerances for separation time, and finding ways to stay emotionally connected when separated. Here are some things to consider when entering into or being in a long-distance relationship:

Feeling of sadness and loneliness are normal- It is normal to feel a wide range of emotions during many different points in a long-distance relationship; such as when saying good-bye to each other, being apart longer then you are comfortable with, or when you are reuniting with each other. Married and committed couples develop strong bonds with each other and look to their partners for a sense of security and care. Therefore, separation can lead to feelings of anxiousness and loneliness because it may feel like your partner is not there to offer emotional support and care when you them to.

Develop a plan to stay connected-it is important to develop a plan to stay connected with each other during times of separation. Many couples find that texting and emails can be used for a quick way to feel connected to their partner along with setting times for longer talks or video chats with each other. Partners may have different expectations about how and how often they want to connect with each other. These expectations may change if you have a stressful day, you have been away from each other longer than expected, or you feel concerned about the security of the relationship.  For example Allie feels connected to her boyfriend Tim by texting him throughout the day several times and doing a video chat with him in the evenings. On the other hand, Tim feels connected to Allie by talking at lunch for about 30 minutes and an hour in the evening. So it seems Allie and Tim maybe setting themselves up for some difficult arguments unless they develop a plan where they both feel connected to each other.

Set a time to reunite-Putting a comfortable limit on the amount of time you are separated from each other is important for allowing you to continue to feel connected in the relationship. Each partner might have a different tolerance for the amount of time they are apart before reuniting again. For some people it is a few days while for others it is a few weeks so it is important to talk with your partner to set a time for reuniting that is comfortable for both of you.

Even though long-distance relationships have areas of difficulty some couples report experiencing positive aspects of this type of relationship such as increased time for pursuing individual dreams and achievements and increased communication skills. It is important to remember that like in any relationship a long-distance relationship can work if you work at the relationship; strong healthy relationships do not just happen naturally without significant effort.

Resource used:

Pistole, C. M. (2010). Long-distance romantic couples: Attachment theoretical

Jennifer Wilmoth, LAMFT
jwilmoth@ GROWcounseling.com