The day comes very year and men all across American are asking the same question “What do I get her for Valentine’s Day?”. So this year I’m going to give you some tips to answer this question and learn a little about the woman you care about. To answer this question it is important to first understand that the standard V-Day plan of buying her flowers and candy does not communicate love to every woman. This is why it is important to know the woman you care about and learn how she specifically receives love.
Everyone has ways they send and receive love. Sometimes people meet someone that sends love the same way they receive it, but often this does not come so naturally. In the book “The 5 Love Languages” the 5 main ways people receive love are covered. As you look through the love languages think about the woman you care about and ask yourself which love language she might have. Here are the love languages:
• Words of Affirmation- Communicating that you notice your partner and you appreciate them by saying things such as “Thank you for cooking a great meal tonight.”
• Quality Time- Spending time talking, learning about your partner, and showing your partner your undivided attention.
• Receiving Gifts- Buy her flowers, her favorite candy, make her a homemade gift.
• Acts of Service- Surprise your partner by cleaning a room for her, cook her a meal, or wash her car.
• Physical Touch- Hold your partners hand as you walk, surprise her with a hug, or rub her shoulders.
If you are still not sure which love language she might be then spend the days before V-Day paying attention to if she seems to like one over the over. Knowing her love language will help you to choose a great gift for her. If her love language is quality time then a great V-Day gift might be you planning a weekend getaway with planned time for talking and learning about each other. If her love language is receiving gifts then a great gift for her might be multiple gifts throughout the day on V-Day such as flowers in the morning, her favorite candy in the middle of the day, and a wrapped gift waiting for her at home. No matter what her love language is if you show her love in the way she hears it she will not get it.

Jennifer Wilmoth, LAMFT
jwilmoth@ GROWcounseling.com