Valentine’s Day is upon us. Many people dread the appearance of cupid and his arrows along with the pink and red hearts, bouquets of flowers and boxed chocolates. (Personally, I think a holiday that includes chocolate is one worth celebrating.) However, there is the reality of the day itself to consider; if you are single when the world is focusing on couples it can seem a very lonely place. The day can be approached in several ways. Wallowing in the misery of singleness is one option. Not one I would necessarily recommend. Instead of the muck and mire of self-pity, why not reframe your thinking about the day and live it in the spirit of the saint for whom it was named?

St. Valentine. Not much is really known about the man, (there were many men with this name martyred in Rome and buried in the same location) but according to legend, he healed the blind daughter of a jailor before his execution and from his prison cell wrote an encouraging note signing it, from your Valentine. Another legend has Valentine (probably a different man) performing marriages for soldiers when the king thought singleness was more valiant for the battlefield. Either legend could help with a reframing of the day. Look outside your lonely situation to help or encourage others. St. Valentine himself was single, but I doubt he would have been a member of the lonely hearts club because he was looking outside his singleness.

Marlayne Whitlock, LAPC
mwhitlock@ GROWcounseling.com