We know how important it is to never leave the scene of an accident. We are to stay and assist if possible, but certainly to give the required information to those involved. So it is with disagreements or arguments we may have with our spouse or life partner. It’s not always easy to agree to disagree. However, it is important to be able to talk things out, but how can two people do that if one decides to get in the car and leave? There should always be an underlying mutual consent that no one leaves when an argument has ensued.

Now the entire matter doesn’t have  to be wrapped up in a specified timeframe. What I am suggesting, is that two people who have stated that they love each other and care about one another, accede to mutual respect by permitting conversation which evokes true feelings to be expressed in a healthy manner. We wouldn’t be rude or disrespectful to the police officer who happens upon an accident, would we? No, because those comments or actions may end up costing us something more than a fine and vehicle repairs. Nor should we behave in a way that could hurt someone we truly love.

It’s that love for them which should prevent fowl words or unseemly behavior to wretch out at them as though they were our enemy. Don Quixote wrote “Love and War are the same thing, and stratagems and policy are as allowable in the one as in the other.” Yet, I would have to say that our love for the person should curtail us from warring with them. Remember, you’re on the same team and striving for the same goals. Allow yourselves to express, without regret. There might be a moment for timeout, but not to leave out.

Mark Ellison, LAMFT
Mellison@ GROWcounseling.com