Healthy relationships (friendships or marriages) encounter conflict at one time or another.  Learning to deal with conflict in a healthy way is paramount to keeping the relationship strong.  Sometimes one person makes the prize of victory the ultimate goal when difficulties arise.  Winning at the expense of the relationship is a loss to both partners.  Some families model an avoidance tactic when conflict arises.  Like the flight or fight axiom, these folks flee when the very hint of conflict arises.  On the opposite end of the spectrum is the individual who wants to make even the smallest issue a battleground in a relationship.

Relationships that move to a posture of compromise, middle ground or meeting halfway know that this stance takes time and practice.  Unlike Hollywood’s portrayal of relationships on the silver screen where all seems carefree and effortless, healthy relationships discover that working cooperatively through conflict is where greater intimacy can begin.  Really good listening and being willing to discover what the cause of the conflict is really about are both helpful starting points.  Often it is not about who should walk the dog, do the laundry or take out the trash, but something deeper that may need to be uncovered together.

Marlayne Whitlock, MS
mwhitlock@ GROWcounseling.com