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Have there been times in your life where you felt obligated to say yes to everyone who asks something of you? It didn’t matter if it was family or friend, you just had this sense that if you didn’t say yes to them that they’d turn their back on you. How difficult that must feel. Certainly we desire to assist at times, those that are close to us, but what does it mean when we feel compelled to give more than we have? Oftentimes we continue in this vein because we don’t want to experience the pain or hurt that can occur from a sense of rejection. So now the alternative has become to give and give no matter how tiring or time consuming it might be. This doesn’t mean that someone systematically is going to change an entire way of life overnight (as wonderful as that might be). However, the beginning of steps toward strength and determination is the overall objective. This renewed impression often propels us toward that new strength and gives the courage and encouragement to make decisions based on one’s own good judgment.
Saying no might not come easy. Basing decisions on a new manner of thinking won’t come naturally, especially if saying yes was essentially part of one’s personality for many years. Making your choices considering how you feel now, will provide a greater respect for yourself that you may not have had. Hopefully, even though others may wonder and possibly even confront you because of these changes, you’ll maintain the vitality in becoming the person you choose to be.
Mark Ellison, MAMFT |