Many parents of young children are thrilled their children are returning to school because they finally have some free time again. At the same time, some parents are gearing up to launch their young adult children into the world of college, military, or the work force and out of their homes. While both are family transitions, launching young adult children into the world can be one of the most challenging family transitions because of the mixture of expectations, fantasy, and reconnection that affects the parent-child relationship and the parent’s couple relationship. Parents and young adults have expectations of what the world will be like once the young adult has moved out. Often times parents expect and fantasize about being able to return to individual and couple interest such as starting up a old hobby again or having romantic evenings with their partner. On the other hand, the young adult often expects and fantasizes about having a new freedom to explore the world and finding their place in it. The main crossroads couples hit in this transition of young adult children moving out is reconnection or separation.

This crossroads for many couples is a difficult one. Often parents put a lot of time, effort, and money into raising their children and somewhere through the years many parents lose sight of being a couple. When the last child moves out parents are left with no choice but to face each other without the distraction of the children. For some couples this is a welcomed and celebrated time while for other couples this is a freighting, anxious, and disappointing time. Many couples choose to seek help at this point to reconnect and learn each other again and some choose to separate from each other either physically or emotionally. For the couples that face each other and reconnect in this transition it opens a new chapter in their relationship. Many start to “date” their partner again in this new chapter and in the end it leads to a more loving and respectful couple relationship.

Jennifer Wilmoth, LAMFT
JWilmoth@ GROWCounseling.com